How to Orchestrate a Dignified Breakup

There comes a time in all relationships when the end is nigh and there is nothing that can be done about it. Sometimes your partner will be the one to realize that, and they’ll break the bad news to you – and that is never pleasant. But arguably, it is even worse when the break-up boot is on your foot. Suddenly an awful responsibility descends upon you: the responsibility to orchestrate the break-up with respect and dignity and consideration. Just because you have been treated poorly in the past is no excuse to behave unkindly now.

1. Break up in person, face to face. It’s difficult but it’s a matter of respect.

2. Pick your moment carefully: don’t let it arise in an awkward moment – halfway through a holiday abroad, say, or while having dinner with friends. But once you’ve decide to do it, do it as soon as possible.

3. As best you can, ensure the timing is considerate of your soon-to-be ex. If he’s in the middle of a critical period at work, say, or it’s his birthday, hold back a little. In such circumstances, a few days won’t kill you. Breaking up a day after Christmas id kinder than the day before, although you will be faced with an ethical dilemma about the Christmas presents.

4. To avoid possible future unpleasantness, try to remove treasured items, favorite pieces of clothing, anything you’re seriously attached to, from his home in advance of the conversation. The jilted will often use anything at hand to maintain some contact with the jilter – it’s understandable, but you’ll just experience it as pettiness.

5. Choose a private place in which to have the break-up conversation. That guff about breaking up in public so he can’t make an emotional scene is fine if you’re both 17, but by now, if you can’t handle some tears and heartache at the end of a relationship, you’re not adult enough for a relationship in the first place.

6. When he asks you why, don’t feel obliged by some cruel orthodoxy of truth-telling to be completely honest. Don’t explain to him his shortcomings and inadequacies. Simple say you’ve drifted apart, or you’re not compatible, or that you’re just one of those people who need to be on their own. In short, it is generally kinder to lie. Similarly, don’t be drawn into justifying your decision. Simply state them gently, but as firmly as is necessary.

7. Spend enough time at the break-up meeting to say as much as you need to say, and to give him a decent opportunity to begin processing it in your presence. An hour should be about right. Do not linger all day, rehashing every moment of the relationship; neither should you drop the bombshell and skedaddle. Establish in advance that you have an appointment in an hour’s time. This will enable you to leave without too much personal difficulty.

8. What to do with the ring, assuming you’re engaged? Unless it originally belonged to a member of your family, there is only one decent thing to do – give it back. Some women believe in keeping the ring, even if they initiate the break-up – life is too short to be one of those people.

9. By all means, remain friends, but if you should find yourself feeling lonely and sad at some point in the future – not because you miss him, but because you miss the feeling of being with someone – do not even think of going back. Believe me, 999 time out of 1000, you will regret it, and probably that thousandth time too.

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Got this article from a local magazine here in Dubai, the writer is a guy. Curious... I can only write like this if I expereince more than 20 breakups hahaha. :)